Happy Other’s Day

Hello my people. What a hard day, huh? I mean, a fabulous, wonderful day for some, but even for those with mamas or who are mamas, it can be tough.

I haven’t spoken to my mother in half a lifetime. It’s probably for the best. As my friend Keiren says, as much as you might want something from someone, it’s actually not fair to expect them to give you something they’ve never shown they’re capable of giving. In other words, my hope wasn’t fair to either of us, since neither of us had shown we could be what the other needed.

Needed. I don’t know if that is the right word, but it’s close. That first relationship, that very imbalanced dynamic. One built on mutual survival and often mutually assured destruction.

But, for once, I digress.

That is not what I am writing about. I am writing about the things that fill the void. These are personal to me, so I understand if you nod off. I will not hold it against you.

My love. There are not words. I mean, there are, but they will always fall short.

Happy Other’s Day

My sister. From her I learned that if you turn the radio down low, you can listen to forbidden music. I learned that having a rally fail is no reason not to take a stand. I learned that we have more power than we are told. I also learned that splitting my hair down the middle and wearing cat sweaters and penny loafers was not a good look for a seventh grader.

Happy Other’s Day

My brother and my sister-in-law (P&R.) They are the one who fills the gap of concern. They call when I vaguebook. They make sure I get outside. They tell me I’m amazing, even when I don’t feel it. They buy me gifts that hold no weight of reciprocity, because they want me to smile – but just a few minutes on the phone will do the same thing.

Happy Other’s Day

The entire family I married in to. I mean all of it, every wonderfully complicated and real dynamic. The women, who live the most authentic creative lives of anyone I know and the men, who nurture and support. The kids who benefit from this creativity and support and dance and paint and play with an abandon that gives me authentic joy. This is a family I fit in with, and I found them through love, which makes it even better. Even when we traveled across the pond to meet the British cousins, they embraced us. I have never been so loved.

Happy Other’s Day

My circle of friends who make, think and do. Many of you are parents in a way I can’t fathom. You raise your kids with a patience, openness and honesty, often having had no personal experience with that growing up. You take in the strays, give whatever you have, and always have an inappropriate joke to hide the amount of emotional and physical strength is takes to do what you do. And in all this, you make time to create dynamic spaces that feed back into the communities you inhabit. You are my rock.

Happy Other’s Day

And finally, to my safe family of choice, the friends who get the late night messages, who offer advice sometimes, but solace more often. To all the scattered threads that, when pulled together, make a blanket of warmth that tells me I am loved and held…

Thank You.



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