Verseday The First

I plan to post a poem every Thursday, because why the heck not? Here is the first:

Canadian Authors One Should Avoid Whilst Suffering From A Mental Illness

I was born to read
Said mother, indeed,
That the doctors and orderlies gasped
In the hospital room
I emerged from the womb
A novel in infant hand, clasped

From Munsch to Lee
To Ms. Montgomery
From Korman to Gilman and back
From cover to last
I worked my way past
The Canadian library stacks

But I grew up and learned
As chemicals burned
And twisted inside of my brain
There are authors Canuck
One should censor like fuck
If you check in the box marked “not sane”

Margaret Atwood, to start
May be close to my heart
But her prose is decidedly cynical
Every character doomed
She should not be consumed
By depressives, once diagnosed clinical

And Rohinton Mistry’s
Indian histories
Are oftentimes deeply distressing
So if my Seratonin
Is busy re-zonin’
I’d rather zone out the depressing

Those paranoid
Should clearly avoid
The writings of Naomi Klein
Her Doctrine is Shocking
For brains that are balking
And No Logo’s no pal of mine

And then in no hope-land
We find Douglas Coupland
Who writes on most any old topic
What unites all his work
Is a riveting quirk
That turns every word misanthropic

And you can be certain
That Cohen and Berton
Will bide their time haunting our sleep
And while Mowat and Richler
May write the odd tickler
Even they can’t avoid getting deep

If I had it my way
Then one Thomson Highway
Would only write limericks and jokes
And Findley and Davies
Now dead in their gravies
Would chat just like regular folks

Neurologically broken
This author has spoken
These writers, to me, are now static
Though they may be brilliant
I’m not that resilient
When I am not right in the attic

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