Un-polluting My Brain


From last winter’s storm, a hidden heart.

Winter is coming (a phrase that no geek will ever be able to say again without a moment of Sean Beanery.) For many, many folks, this means snow and play and presents and perhaps a bit of gloom as the days shorten and the weather plays havoc with plans. For my SAD brain, it means a slipping away. A cocooning in to my least pleasant self, alone with my own unhappiness. I say alone, but I do live with another human, a wonderful one who loves me and respects my SADness for what it is (not a choice and not a weakness.) Still, it is isolating, this chemical reaction, this bit of science that cold unleashes.

Every Winter I make plans to fight it. I have a lamp that pretends it is Summer. I have a vitamin that does the same. I have a treadmill that taunts me to stay active. I unplug it out of spite. Goddamn magic walky machine.

Also from the storm, a less subtle sign.

Also from the storm, a less subtle sign.

I can feel it creeping in. It is moods that swing like I’m a nauseated kid at a park, back and forth until it makes me sick.

Here is my plan, for now. I am going to un-pollute my brain. Every tragedy that crosses my feed, I am going to choose not to click. Every righteous truth will be passed over. Because right now something is percolating in my brain and I want to give it space. I think it will be words and I think they will be closer to true that any of my other words.

The time has come to stop drowning myself out and see what I really think.