Effing Hair! (Written February, 2007)

I’ve reposted this one because I’m slightly amused by how very offended I was, but also because it’s surprisingly still topical. My friend’s daughter wanted a funky, short hair cut and several hair-dressers refused to do it. They tried to talk her out of it. I remember when I was in hospital and I decided to shave my hair short (being sick meant it was mostly just greasy and unkempt.) The doctor declared that cutting off my long hair was an act of self-injury. Self injury! As a woman, for some reason, my hair is not just my hair. I don’t shave my legs. I get stares and comments. My husband doesn’t shave his, he gets nothing. Nada. No one has ever called my husband a dyke (only half true for me, BTW) because he doesn’t choose to remove hair from his legs. I’m away at camp and you know what I worried about before hand? How would the kids react to a woman who wears a swimsuit but doesn’t remove her leg hair first. Why should I have to worry about that? Okay, enough pre-amble. Here’s the original from 2007 (when Brit-Brit shaved her head YEARS after I did. Just saying.)

I get very frustrated when people start talking about folks they’ve never met. Especially when it’s about something so stupid as hair! Hair for chrissakes! I mean, it’s hair. Long, short, whatever. A few years back, a she-celeb chose not to shave her armpits, and it was mother fucking front-page news! How is this possible?

What really eats my eyeballs is that a woman can pay a man to cut into her body and add silicone or suck out fat and no one says anything, unless it’s botched or extra big. Women can starve themselves to death. They can cut and stretch the flesh on their faces. They can change the structure of their noses. They do all this and we say “my, ain’t she sweet?” but cut their hair off and we all think they’re crazy? Are we on some sort of mind-altering drug here? We think normal, average looking people are grotesque and that people who’ve had themselves butchered are beautiful? Ew, so many kinds of gross. We are sick.

Stop talking about hair. It grows back. Real boobs don’t.

This PSA brought to you by pissed off females everywhere and viewers like you.

Oh, I also reposted this because I love that I used the phrase “What really eats my eyeballs.”


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