All The Things She Said

Is drunk blogging a thing? I mean, drunk texting and drunk dialing are, so really, the next logical step is drunk blogging.

Am I drunk? No. Well, maybe. Probably. There’s a bottle of wine I bought for sister christmas (Christmas with my sisters, in case that wasn’t clear) that I forgot to bring that is now mostly empty.

Why, you ask, am I drinking wine alone while my beautiful husband sleeps soundly in the next room?

Well, I’ve lost a friend.

I’ve lost a friend and I think I’m losing another.

I lost one to medical causes. It was sudden and unexpected. It was the sort of thing that triggers a mid-life crisis – sudden thoughts of mortality. The world is smaller and her smile is missing and it sucks.

It sucks and I don’t know how to process it. And I feel selfish for feeling anything at all when other people knew her better and the hole she left is bigger. Still, any hole is a hole and…

Well, it sucks.

Then my other friend. Well, he’s got his own loss and sadness. Someone he loves is sick. And maybe because of this, he’s swinging his wild tentacles about, smacking us all and leaving us shy to approach. So I back up and back up and get sadder and sadder that he’s moving away when really, he’s standing still and pushing and we’re backing up.

See? This is why you don’t blog drunk. The metaphors become muddy.

So I love this guy. One of my dearest friends. And he’s swinging at all I hold dear so casually that I wonder if he knows it pulls my heart out, every swing.

It leaves me tired and sad and hiding.

He’s trashing a movement that gave me a chance to have a voice and he’s blind to it because someone else broke his heart.

Shoot.

I lost my path.

So here’s what I’m saying:

1) Don’t blog drunk

2) Hold them so close they wheeze to breathe

3) Be honest because it’s better to fight than to lose another friend when there’s a chance to find a common ground

Yep. Never blog drunk. You don’t know what you’ll say.

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